


Forever Yours, Nocturnal Me

by ghostsxghoul, SushiWestern



Series: If You Have Ghosts [2]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Cuteness in Chapter 1, Desk Handjob, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ghoul kits in chapter 1, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation, Renamed Ghouls, Slow Burn, headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-04-05 17:15:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19044850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostsxghoul/pseuds/ghostsxghoul, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SushiWestern/pseuds/SushiWestern
Summary: Work never seems to end for Special but, since the Third Emeritus got in charge, he's been distracted.





	1. The Oddity

**Author's Note:**

> So, second installment of If You Have Ghosts series!  
> I recommend you to read the first one, The Path Of The Firstborn, since it's the continuation.  
> Big thank you at @ghostsxghoul and @copias-gloves for proofreading and coping with my bullshit once again :'D

A lot has happened on the Church's grounds during these last few years: the beginning of the Ghost project with the rise of two Papas as well as Sister Imperator’s success in summoning Ghouls. However, every rise to power had its downfall. In the Unholy Church of Emeritus, Second had failed his responsibilities of carrying out his duties along with the death of a few ghouls, due to the weak construction of their vessels. But, with a new Papa in training and an upgraded vessel for the new Ghouls, the Church believed that a brighter future would be waiting in the following years.

Seven small Ghouls lied down on the summoning altar, surrounded by blood and pieces of flesh that fell off their new vessels during the ritual. Special, summoned the day before and now resting securely in Papa Nihil’s arms, watched the Third Emeritus, as well as Sister Imperator, approach the kits to make sure everything went smoothly. Having actual bodies instead of skeletons as their vessels was way more painful than the first time, but it was clear that the clergy higher-ups would do everything in their power to take better care of these Ghouls than the ones they had before. As expected, one Ghoul of each element was summoned, but there was something that the higher-ups weren’t expecting.

“There are two Water Ghouls…” the Third whispered when he approached the altar. His gloved hands picked up the second Water kit and handed it to Imperator, who widened her eyes in surprise.

“And it’s not only two Water Ghouls… we summoned a Ghuleh” she added before turning her head to Nihil, “It’s almost impossible to get one, they are extremely rare…”

“We should consider ourselves honored, Sister” Papa Nihil approached her with a smile on his lips.

“I know that Ghulehs are extremely dangerous if not handled properly…” Imperator’s gaze averted to meet the Third’s mismatched eyes. “I will take care of her, if you don’t mind”.

“At all, Sister” the youngest Emeritus shook his head and continued examining the new kits.

Alpha and Omega still had their symbols branded into their chests, Air seemed like the previous one —he didn’t even cry when he came to life—, the new Water Ghoul looked like a teddy bear and the new Earth Ghoul was way smaller than the previous one. But there was another surprise awaiting for the clergy higher-ups when the Third picked up the last Ghoul: it had a heart-shaped spade on his tail, like Special. Imperator dropped her jaw in shock: it happened again. She couldn’t help but feel frustrated, since non-elementals had no place in the band. Special would keep his job as a spokesghoul and tour manager when he becomes of age, but there was no hope for the new one.

“I couldn’t kill the Firstborn because… well, he was the first Ghoul ever summoned, but we don’t really need this one” she commented, her gaze still on the kit. “He’s… useless”.

As he heard those words, the Third Emeritus became horrified. He didn’t think that Imperator would be capable of such a thing, to end a fragile creature’s life just because he had no purpose in the church. He held the Ghoul closer to his chest, trying his hardest to find a reason why Imperator shouldn’t carry on with her plans.

“I’ll find him something!” he blurted out, his voice was a clear signal that he was desperate and anxious, “I’ll give him a cowbell if it’s necessary! But I beg you, Sister, don’t kill him! He’s my Ghoul!”

Their argument was cut short by Papa Nihil, who stepped between them. He too had been trying to find a purpose for the non-elemental Ghoul, as he wasn’t fond of murdering such young lives.

“I’ll try to find him church duties when he grows up” he spoke in a calm tone, his hand brushing the kit’s iron cheek, “maybe he could even assist Special in his duties. I’m sure he will be happy to have some help”.

The Third Emeritus nodded and looked down on his kits, all of them. It was a huge responsibility: those Ghouls needed taming, as well as training to play their instruments and to use their powers, but he didn’t want to make the same mistakes as his brothers. Their Ghouls were truly servants who saw each other like objects, like brainless minions that followed their Papa around. He won’t allow his to be like them.

 

A few weeks have passed and the kits reached the age of six, if speaking in human years. A soft pitter-patter echoed through the abbey halls as Special rushed to the nursery, excited to meet the band Ghouls again. Papa Nihil had kept him busy, trying to discover how much he remembered of his previous duty as the Church’s spokesghoul, and made sure the young one received proper education. However, Special was still a kit and spending so many hours with his caretaker only made him feel lonely, just like the first time: he wanted to make new friends. He could remember that he wasn’t supposed to talk to the band Ghouls under the Second Emeritus’s Era, and he hoped for the Third to be more relaxed with his rules.

The clergy thought that, since the new gaggle of Ghouls seemed healthy enough, they would try and summon more ‘servants’ just to assist the Siblings of Sin during their church duties, here the need to build a nursery in the abbey. It wasn’t very big, but it was equipped with the necessary tools and personnel to take care of the newly summoned kits. The band Ghouls had their own room inside the facilities, so the Third would receive assistance from the Siblings of Sin in charge if he needed it.

The Brother of Sin behind the desk smiled when he saw Special making his way in, standing on his toes to turn the door knob and approaching the desk with big, shiny eyes. The Ghoul was excited to reunite with Alpha and Omega again: he missed them so much and he just hoped they would remember him as well. The man lead him into the band Ghouls’ room and closed the door behind him.

His eyes glanced around, noticing that the kits had their symbols embroidered on their choir cassocks —the usual uniform for young kits in learning age— and he spotted Omega and Alpha chatting with the Water Ghoul, who they referred as Delta. _I suppose the Third has renamed him so they wouldn’t mix him up with the old Water_ , Special thought as he approached them with a huge smile on his lips. It wasn’t visible, but they could tell by the shine in his eyes.

“Hi! My name is Special!” he chirped excitedly. “I’m Papa Nihil’s Ghoul. I know who Omega, Alpha an Air are, we used to be friends before we were resummoned”

“We were?” Alpha asked, tilting his head. As expected, Special saw that they couldn’t remember a single thing from their past lives. It was painful for him, but expected: he would find the way to trigger their memories back.

A rather smaller Ghoul approached Special with big eyes, his tiny hands cupping his face with curiosity. It was the Earth Ghoul, the one they called Leaf, a little nosy fellow, one might add, who always seemed to stick his tiny iron nose where it didn’t belong.

“You have weird eyes” he stated, his tiny brows furrowing, “do you have an element?”

“Uhhh…” Special hesitated and shook his head, “Not really, but I’m being trained to handle the church paperwork”.

“Oh” Leaf blinked and let him go, resting his hands on his hips. His tone was a bit too cocky for the older Ghoul too, “You’re not really that special, Mist hangs out with Imperator. And we have a non-elemental too. He’s a weirdo”.

The Earth Ghoul pointed to a badly lit corner of their room, where a taller and slender kit was sitting. He seemed fascinated by his own hands and he entertained himself pulling at his tiny claws. Special left the group, who resumed their chatting, and crouched down next to him: he was wearing the same choir cassock as the rest of them, but didn’t seem as lively.

“Hi!” The older kit greeted him “I’m Special, who are you?”

“Cowbell” he replied, still tugging at his fingers, “I don’t have an element, so I’m a bit of an outcast”.

“They outcasted you? But it’s terrible!” Special gave him a worried look. Could he be one as well since they both were in the same situation?

However, the other kit seemed unfazed by it. Cowbell shrugged and bent his fingers the opposite way, showing them to Special who made a painful grimace hidden behind his mask. A lightbulb went off as soon as his fingers resumed a normal position.

“Can you keep a secret?” Cowbell’s purple eyes stared deeply into Special’s soul, “I know a hidden place that I want to show you”.

Before the older kit could respond, Cowbell held his hand and dragged him away from their room in the nursery. Special didn’t ask any questions, he just stared at his new friend in awe. They just met each other and he already took him in an adventure? It might be because Special worried about his situation. Cowbell pushed the library door and lead the way towards the very back of the room near the forbidden archives, next to an exaggeratedly large bookcase. The taller kit pulled away a few books to reveal a small opening, he crawled inside and gestured at Special to follow him. It was a tunnel that lead to a small crawl space full of pillows and a lightbulb. The older Ghoul stared in awe at his surroundings: he had no idea this place existed.

“How did you find it?”

“I like coming here. One day they rearranged all the books and I discovered it. This is my reading spot”

The kit grabbed a few pillows and made chairs for them two, he then picked up a book and gestured Special to sit with him. Cowbell opened it and began reading it to him; judging by the excitement in his voice and the passion he put into the reading, it was obvious that he loved that book. He would stop now and then to explain sentences and resume once he made sure that Special was following the story. The older kit’s opinion about him changed completely as he discovered they had more things in common than he thought: they both enjoyed reading, they were different from the band Ghouls and they were loners.

 

Cowbell’s stomach rumbled and he closed his book, laughing nervously. “Are you hungry?” He asked; Special nodded at him. “I know a tunnel that leads to the kitchen. They usually have a lot of snacks for me”. The younger kit left the book where he found it, crawled to an air vent —another one of his secret passageways— and told his friend to follow.

“I have a question…” Special stopped and sat down on the floor, “Why are you called Cowbell?”

“I don’t know, Papa gave me that name” he tilted his head and shrugged, “He was the one who told me about these secret tunnels, he discovered them when he was a little kit. Can you believe Papa was a kit too?”

Special chuckled and resumed crawling behind his friend until they reached the kitchen. The smell of stew opened the older kit’s nostrils and he could feel his stomach growl: he was truly starving. It was the human clergy members’ turn to eat and their food looked even better than the odd pureé the kits got served almost daily. Cowbell helped him out of the air vent and brought a finger to his mask.

“You can’t tell about the tunnels to anybody, okay?”

“Who would I tell? I thought Omega and Alpha would remember me and our friendship but…” Special tugged at his cassock with sad eyes, “They don’t. I feel so lonely…”

“You don’t have to be, I am your friend now!” Cowbell replied before hugging him, scooping him up and spinning around with him, “I also have a lot of friends around the church, I can introduce them all to you”.

“Would you do that for me?”

Cowbell nodded and turned around when he heard somebody calling for him. It was a Sister of Sin with fiery red hair, who cooed at him and at Special. She scooped both of them up, sat them on the counter and gave them a plate for them to snack on. The older Ghoul was enjoying the food while he watched Cowbell chat with the red-headed Sister. They had known each other for a while and she was more than welcome to give treats to him and any friend he brought. That made him feel so good, so wanted…

“Did you know?” Cowbell’s voice brought him back to reality, “I have my own book collection, but it’s missing so many books… Sister says that she will take me to the book shop in town. Papa says I can’t go alone, but maybe you can come with me!”

“I would love to! I love reading!” Special chirped and glanced over the wall clock. It was late,  he should be at Nihil’s office for his training, “I need to go with Papa, do you want to come with me?”

The taller kit nodded and gave the empty plate back to the Sister with the red hair, jumping off the counter afterwards. Special ran as fast as he could to the office —he didn’t like being late— and knocked twice before opening the door. Papa Nihil had his arms folded over his chest and a look of disapproval on his face; in front of him, the Third Emeritus lifted his shoulders and lowered his head like a child receiving a scolding. The older Anti-Pope’s expression changed to a warm smile when he saw the two kits at the door.

“Oh, hello little one” he reached a hand to pet Special’s hair and kept his eyes on Cowbell, “I’m a bit busy right now, so we’ll resume your training later. I see you have a new friend, why don’t you show him your room?”

The older Ghoul chirped and waved them goodbye before walking out of the office. Cowbell just hugged the Third Emeritus’s leg and followed after his friend, who lead him to the highest tower of the church where his room was. The taller kit stared in awe: the room was almost as big as his Papa’s, with its own balcony, a large bed with a ridiculous amount of pillows and stuffed toys and a desk with a pile of books that came out of the huge bookshelf next to it. Special jumped over his bed, picked up his favourite teddy bear and patted the spot next to him.

“This whole room is yours?” Cowbell stared around in awe, “I have to sleep with the rest of the band Ghouls, Papa says it’s important we know how to share… But I don’t like it so I sleep in my secret cave”.

Special had no idea where his secret cave was nor did he want to know. It must be hard for him to spend so much time with peers that didn’t like him, but Cowbell seemed too immersed in his own world to care. The older Ghoul jumped off the bed to pick up his favourite book to show him: The Grimm Brothers’ Fairy Tales.

“Have you read this one?”

“No! Can you read it to me?” Cowbell asked, making himself comfortable on the bed.

Special sat down, picked up his favourite teddy bear and opened the book to the page of Snow White. When he started reading, he noticed Cowbell snuggling up to him and looking at the book pictures with interest. The older Ghoul remembered when he taught Omega and Alpha how to read, the way they rested their heads on his shoulders as they drifted off to sleep. When he finished the tale, Cowbell had his eyes closed and was in deep slumber. Special left the book on his nightstand, pulled the bed blanket over them and joined his friend in a short power nap.

 

When the older Ghoul woke up, his friend wasn’t in the room but the empty spot next to him was still warm. The teddy bear sitting on the bed smelled of him, of old books and wood, the smell of the library. He stretched himself out, fixed his cassock and jumped off his bed, running to Nihil’s office. Maybe he would have stopped scolding his son and perhaps they could resume their training. The old Anti-Pope was still talking with the Third Emeritus and had a stern look on his face. However, they didn’t seem to notice the kit standing at the door.

“What do you mean they outcasted him!?” Nihil asked. He seemed furious, something unusual on him, “How many times have I asked you to tame them, _Stronzino_!?”

“Excuse me, Father, but Cowbell has no place in the band. That’s a first” The Third tried to defend himself, “Second of all, I don’t want my Ghouls to end up burned out like my brothers’. I know what I’m doing!”

“Ghouls aren’t friends, they are servants!” The former Papa threw his hands in the air before seeing Special out of the corner of his eye. His expression changed completely and he crouched down to pick him up on his arms, “Special has no element, but he’s useful for the church. Cowbell is a scholar like him, don’t let his talent go to waste”.

The Third Emeritus bowed his head and walked out, holding Cowbell by his hand. Once he closed the door behind his back, Nihil sat Special on his desk and resumed his training. The kit couldn’t help but think about what the Third said. He just met Cowbell, but he saw potential in him, he could write and read. Maybe he won’t be able to play in the band, but he could do other things. Special felt a bit sad when he walked out of the office and headed to the band Ghouls’ room in the nursery.

When he got there, he heard the Third giving them a talking to, even to Mist. All of them had their heads lowered and they were toying with their choir cassocks, Delta was even at the verge of tears but Cowbell was nowhere to be found. After the Third left the room, they sat down on the playground rug in a circle and made a spot for Special. Omega was the first one to speak.

“You’re back! We thought the creep killed you!”

“He isn’t a creep!” The older Ghoul started waving his hands around, “He is very smart, he can read! We looked at books together!”

Special thought the mention of reading would trigger Omega and Alpha’s memories back, but it didn’t work. They started chatting about their things and the older Ghoul just spaced out. He felt truly lonely with them, it was like he didn’t even know them. Leaf tried to get his attention.

“So, what do you do at Papa Nihil’s office, Spesh?”

“So, uh… I get training” he replied, but he had to get them interested with something funny. He then remembered what he saw before, “I spent a few hours there today and I saw the Third getting scolded by Papa”.

“No way! He got scolded?” Mist’s eyes opened wider, “Why?”

“I will tell you why, Misty” the small Earth Ghoul folded his arms, “He can’t do his job right and then he scolds us for being as bad as him”.

“That’s a bit hype..crate… hypocrite of him!” Omega balled his fists and stomped his feet, “But I guess he’s not used to it. Let’s just stay in our best behavior and make it easy for him”.

“Hell no!” Leaf jumped up to his feet, “Don’t you realize how much power we have? We can be as bad as him and he can’t say anything about it!”

“But the Third is our boss!” Delta jumped in Omega’s defense.

Leaf growled at them and had to be held back by Air and Mist while Alpha joined Omega and Delta’s side. Special was in the middle of the fight, his eyes glancing over the two sides as he held up his hands to stop them. The Earth Ghoul freed himself from his fellow Ghouls’ grasp and jumped on Omega, tackling him to the floor and scratching his mask with his claws.

“Stop it!” Special yelled, waving his hands to get their attention, “The Third got in trouble because you outcasted a Ghoul! He deserves an apology!”

“Apologize to Papa or Cowbell?” Leaf got back up to his feet, “Okay, we’ll say sorry to Papa but the freak doesn’t deserve an apology. He’s useless, he can’t even play an instrument! I think non-elementals have no place in here, they shouldn’t exist”.

Special’s eyes filled with tears. He hated hearing his fellow kits insulting his best friend like that, but it hurt even more when he realized their insults could be directed at him too: he didn’t have an element either, he wasn’t in the band. Did that mean that he should stop existing too? It was too late, he was already crying in front of them. Omega sat up on the floor and wanted to say sorry, but the older Ghoul barged out of the door before he could even say anything.

He looked for Cowbell all over the church before realizing he could be in his favourite place: the library. The taller kit was looking for new books to borrow, focused in his world of fantasy when he heard his friend calling for him. He thought it would be funny to hide and wait until he got closer to jump out and spook him, but Special didn’t think so. He got startled and scooted away from him, now openly bawling his eyes out.

“It’s not funny!”

“I… I’m sorry...” Cowbell’s expression went from playful to worried and he began twiddling his thumbs, “What happened?”

“The band kits won’t stop saying mean things about you and our kind” the older kit hiccuped, trying his best to regain his composure, “I hate it, it’s not nice!”

“Oh…” the taller kit’s voice trailed, “Well, Papa says I’m as important as elemental Ghouls and so are you”.

Cowbell approached his friend and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug; it was more hurtful to see him like that that any insult or slur the band Ghouls might have said about him. The gesture itself made Special realize how touch-starved he was: it felt so good and warm, he didn’t want to let go, but the memories about what his fellow kits said about Cowbell brought him to the verge of tears again.

“I don’t want them to say you’re a freak…”

“But I like being a freak. It makes me stand out” the taller kit held his hands, “Plus, I can read and they don’t”.

“How do you do that? How can you ignore people making fun of you?”

“I just assume they are jealous of me and they want to bring me down.”

Special sighed and let him go, kind of embarrassed. He was truly jealous of his carefree spirit, of how he didn’t overthink things too much, or not at all. He turned around and waved his hand at him before heading to Nihil’s office again, but the taller kit tugged at his cassock.

“Do you wanna come and fight dragons in the forest with me?” his purple eyes shone in excitement.

“Dragons? In the forest? But we’re not allowed outside!” the older kit felt a bit nervous. He wasn’t one to break the rules and he didn’t want to start now, but his friend seemed so excited for a game of pretend that he found it hard to say no.

“They won’t know” he grinned under his mask. He had a tunnel in mind that would let them out of the church unseen.

“Okay, but we kill just one dragon. Papa Nihil must be waiting for me”.

Cowbell went to the back of the library and there was a small hallway that lead to a door. It took them a few turns to find one that lead to the limits of the backyard, just where the cemetery was as well as the path that lead to the forest. The taller kit skipped through the tombstones, saying hello to them while holding his friend’s hand. Once they got there, they picked up fallen branches to use as swords and swung them around to fight the invisible creatures while yelling war cries.

Special leaped into the air and stabbed the ‘dragon’s heart’ before landing back to the floor and rolling around in the grass. He had never felt so excited, so happy to be outside having the time of his life with his new best friend. They held their hands together and spun around to celebrate their victory before dropping themselves back on the ground. Cowbell rolled on his stomach and rested his hands under his chin, his purple gaze still on his friend. He scooted closer to the older kit and nuzzled the side of his mask affectionately until Special rolled over, he then rubbed their noses together.

The large bell on the clocktower rang and Special bursted out of his bubble. He stood up back to his feet and panicked, straightening his cassock with his hands while keeping eye contact with Cowbell.

“I must go! Papa is waiting for me!” his voice came out in a rush, “But I want to play with you tomorrow!”

“You know where to find me” the taller kit sat up and waved his hand at him, “Maybe we can kill more dragons or read another book”.

Special nodded and made his way back inside. He should get his things in his room first before getting to the old Anti-Pope’s office, and maybe change into a cleaner cassock —the one he was wearing had green spots from the grass, a few holes in it and twigs inside his ruffled collar—. But something took him by surprise: in front of his bedroom, there was Omega twiddling his thumbs and his head lowered. The older kit stopped on his tracks and eyed him over: he seemed guilty.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to tell you I’m sorry Leaf said such mean things about Cowbell” the Quintessence kit mumbled, “I talked to him and he’s not ashamed of what he said, so I came to apologize myself”.

The older kit opened the door in his room and let him inside, then walked over his desk to pick up his notebooks and other relevant items he needed for his training. Omega took a seat on the bed and glanced over the discarded Grimm Brothers’ Fairy Tales book resting next to the blanket. His crimson red eyes opened wide as he felt a swarm of memories flash past him: when he and Special snuck inside the archives for Imperator’s research, when the older Ghoul taught him and Alpha how to read by reading them the exact same book he was holding in that moment, their chat in the tour bus before being resummoned as kits… He could feel himself at the verge of tears.

“Spesh, I’m sorry…” he mumbled, holding the book close to his chest. The older kit turned to him with a concerned look in his eyes, “I wanted to apologize because I felt it was my responsibility to do so but now… I want to do it for real. You are my best friend, you taught me a lot of things and you definitely don’t deserve being called names like that…”

Special’s heart shrank inside his tiny chest as he approached the bed and crawled over to sit next to the Quintessence kit to hug him tightly. He missed his old friend so much he wanted to make it up for the lost time, but at the same time, he felt like he was too late to his training.

“I forgive you” he replied, happy to be at peace with Omega again, “but you should go. I need to go to Papa’s office”.

“It’s alright” Omega still kept the book close to his chest, “Can I take this? Maybe Alpha will get his memories back too if I show him!”

“Of course!” Special nodded and walked to the door carrying a bag with his needed items, “You know? Seeing that you now remember me, I feel less uncomfortable hanging around you band Ghouls”.

“You shouldn’t be. If Leaf acts like a moron again, I’ll stand up for you!” Omega puffed his chest, proud of himself.

They said goodbye to each other and parted ways. Special felt a warmth inside as he walked towards Nihil’s office. He got two best friends in a matter of hours, it was like the Old One had lifted his loneliness curse off his shoulders. On the other hand, though, he began wondering if having a social life would slow him down in his training. He would be an adult Ghoul soon and the Third would want him to manage the tour, as well as handling the interviews. He slowed down his pace and stood still in front of the office door for a few seconds before letting himself in. There was a still a lot of work to do in so little time.


	2. The Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to go downhill from here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @ghostsxghoul for the brainstorming and @copias-gloves for beta-reading!

Tired eyes stared at the computer screen as the printer began spitting out the huge tour plan. A young adult Special stretched himself out and leaned back against his chair with his arms behind his head, letting out a big sight. It felt so good to be productive, and the Third wasn’t as hard with him as his older brother. It was truly a huge relief. He glanced over the clock: it wasn’t too late, he could pay a visit to the band Ghouls and hang out with them for a while. _They should be in their rec room_ , he wondered.

When he knocked at the door and was allowed to come in, he spotted Omega having a tug of war with Alpha and a towel, while Delta cheered them on. He was about to join them when Leaf jumped in front of him with his large, green eyes and his hands behind his back. He did one of his signature head tilts, something many Siblings of Sin found cute and adorable about him, and blocked Special’s path, even if he tried to walk around the Earth Ghoul.

“What’cha up to, Spesh? Been busy?”

“Yes, the tour plan is finished” the older Ghoul tried to look past him to grab Omega’s attention, “Can you let me through?”

“Say ‘please’ and I might” Leaf leaned closer to his face, but was soon lifted off the floor by Air and placed aside. Special nodded at him as his way to say thank you and took a seat near where the Quintessence and the Fire Ghoul were playing.

Omega got distracted when he saw him and Alpha used those precious seconds to tug harder at the towel and send the larger Ghoul to the floor, making a small victory dance afterwards while Delta clapped happily. Special chuckled and approached Omega, lending him a hand to take and help himself up. It felt so good to be friends again. Alpha greeted the older Ghoul before challenging Delta to another tug of war, leaving the rhythm guitarist some time to catch up.

They got upstairs to the bedroom hallways and Special noticed they had a small corner with bookshelves and two armchairs. Cowbell was standing next to them, sporting a pair of thick rimmed glasses over his mask while he took some notes about the books they had in there. The older Ghoul smiled under his mask and turned to Omega to ask if he could go greet his other friend, but when he turned back to the bookshelves, Cowbell was nowhere to be found.

“He always does that” Omega smiled and shook his head, “He’s odd, but endearing”.

“Isn’t he?” Special smiled back at him, “If it weren’t for him, I would have had a worse kithood”.

The Quintessence Ghoul took a seat, soon followed by his friend. He soon seemed gloomier than before and it was unusual on him. He had a contagious laugh, he had always been the most lively one from the whole gaggle, and Special couldn’t help but feel worried for him. He reached out a hand to rest on Omega’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” the older Ghoul asked him.

“It’s frustrating” Omega replied, shrinking a bit in his seat, “I tried over and over again to get Alpha’s memories back but he seems like he doesn’t remember what we used to have. I told him our deepest secrets, remembered the things we did on tour, but none of them have worked”.

“What did he say about it?”

“Well, he mentioned something like ‘That’s nice, but we should stay as friends’. I don’t understand it…”

Special brought a hand to his chin and tried to think while he heard the Fire Ghoul downstairs celebrating another victory at the tug of war. The older Ghoul sat up, asking Omega to excuse him, and peeked at the scene downstairs: Alpha helped Delta up and pulled him into a tight, tender hug. Something seemed off. Special gestured at the Fire Ghoul to follow him upstairs with him and he nodded, releasing his bandmate before joining the spokesghoul. When he saw him, Omega got on his feet and hesitated.

“I think you two need to discuss things regarding memories” Special mentioned, taking a seat. Alpha rolled his eyes.

“Oof, not you too, Spesh!” the Fire Ghoul replied crossing his arms, then looking at Omega, “You told him?”

“I had to! We both got our memories back, I tried everything I could to get yours too but it just doesn’t work!” the Quintessence Ghoul stomped his feet in frustration, “I miss you, Alpha. I really miss what we had”.

Alpha sighed and sat down, looking down at his tattooed hands —Special wondered if he had permission from the Third to do that— as he looked for the best way to tell him the bad news once again.

“I remember absolutely everything” he confessed, a bit ashamed of hiding that for such a long time, “In fact, I got them back the day I told you I wanted to stay as friends”.

“Then why you didn’t tell me!?” Omega’s crimson eyes filled with tears and he kneeled down in front of him, holding his hands.

“I’ve moved on, ‘Mega” Alpha’s eyes glanced over the stairwell, “I have to admit it was nice while it lasted, but my feelings are for someone else. We still have the chemistry our fans love, but I prefer to be with someone else offstage, you know?”

Both the Fire and the older Ghouls could point out the exact moment where the Quintessence one’s heart shattered to pieces. Special wanted to leave them alone to sort out their things, but Alpha excused himself instead and walked downstairs. This whole situation was too uncomfortable for him. Omega sat back down on the armchair and brought his hands to his face. He was doing his best not to break down, but it was way too hard. Special wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close to his chest as he gently pet the back oh his head, trying his best to soothe him.

“I’m sorry I made things worse…” Special apologized after a few minutes, “I shouldn’t have dragged him into all of this”.

“No, no, it’s good to know…” the Quintessence Ghoul wiped his face with his sleeve and looked up at his friend, “I just feel like an idiot, like I wasted too much time with this when it was obvious the first time”.

“Hey, listen to me” the older Ghoul took his hands, “It’s not that bad. You’re not alone, you still have me and I will support you no matter what, alright?”

“It’s going to be awkward during the first tour…” Omega laughed nervously and shook his head, “It’s fine… It would be like always, we only have to pretend”.

Special followed his friend to his bedroom and spent there as much time as he needed. Omega’s mood improved greatly with his support and vented all he had to vent, his head on the older Ghoul’s lap while he pet his hair and horns. When he felt better, Special said goodbye to him and rushed downstairs. Alpha looked pretty worn out too, but he preferred not to say a word about it: he was sitting next to Delta and nuzzled his head against the Water Ghoul’s affectionately. It was none of Special business, so he decided to leave them be. As he headed to the exit, he could feel Leaf’s eyes on him like needles burying in his back.

His main priority now was Cowbell. He assumed he would be in the library as always, so that was the first place he checked. He wasn’t wrong at all: the slender Ghoul was sorting books in their shelves, still with his glasses on, so focused that he didn’t notice when his kithood best friend walked in. Special approached him with a huge smile and began helping him organizing the bookshelves.

“You left before I could even say hi to you” he told him, checking the cover of one of the books.

“I saw you were with Omega, so I didn’t want to disturb you” Cowbell replied, taking the books off his hands and putting them back to their shelves. He let out a huge sigh, “Well, I’m done here for today”.

Special tilted his head in confusion.

“Ah, didn’t I tell you? Papa told me to take care of the library when you’re gone” the slender Ghoul took off his glasses and hung them from his cassock collar.

“So, you’re not coming on tour with us?”

Cowbell shook his head, “It’s alright. I like being in the library, you know that”.

“Yes, but still…”

Since Special started working again as the band’s spokesghoul and tour manager, he had less time to spend with Cowbell, so the slender Ghoul would wait for him at 5 AM in front of his bedroom chambers and walk together to the office. Sometimes he stayed for a while, sometimes he would leave so the older Ghoul would be able to focus. It had become a habit.

“By the way, now that I am here, I was going to ask…” Special brought a finger to his chin, pensive, “Are you going to help us load the equipment in the bus?”

“I didn’t think about it, but I will since you asked so nicely”

Special smiled and turned around on his heels: he had plenty of things to do such as making sure everything was ready, getting the Ghouls to practice and booking the interviews. Oh, and also preparing possible questions he would get asked in those. He had even more work than before, but at least, the Third didn’t pressure him as much as his older brother. In fact, him and the band Ghouls had more free will than when they were under the two older Emeritus’ rule, but since the others were doing whatever they pleased, he felt the responsibility to be in charge instead. It was way too much work for his shoulders.

The sun was about to set when they started loading equipment to the tour bus and many Siblings of Sin and Church Ghouls came to help them. Special had a clipboard on his hands and was checking out every item that got loaded into the cargo. His mint green eyes caught a glimpse of the band Ghouls helping each other out with their baggage, all out of their uniforms, and spotted Cowbell chatting with Omega after carrying a large bag inside the bus.

It was still hot, and the slender Ghoul was sweating from the effort. His undershirt was damp and clinging to his body, and he took it off to wipe his face with it. He was pretty skinny, but well-built and oddly attractive, so the older Ghoul couldn’t help but stare at him. _Can this be more cliché?_ , Special thought, but he just couldn’t peel his eyes off him. _This is your best friend, Spesh, and you’re probably a thousand years old in Ghoul age, would you stop staring at him like a teenage human!?_ But in that moment, an idea struck Special with doubt: did he really consider Cowbell as only a friend?

Once the last item of equipment was checked out of the list, the older Ghoul went up to his bedroom to start packing his things. He didn’t have enough time to do it before, so he had to rush: the bus was leaving in an hour. His ears perked up as he heard someone rapping at the door: it was Cowbell. He had taken a shower and he was back in his cassock, his arms behind his back and slightly slouched, as usual.

“Hey, I thought I might say goodbye” his tone had a hint of sadness in it. It was the first time they would be separated for so long, “So… uhh… Goodbye, Spesh”.

“Will you be fine?” Special took a step closer to him, a worried look in his eyes.

“Yeah! I’ll be busy in the library. Plus, Mist isn’t going either”

It was obvious that they were trying to convince themselves that everything would be just fine, but loneliness was just growing bigger inside their chests as the time went by. Special bit down his lip and wrapped his arms around his best friend, pulling him in a tight hug and lingering on it for a while. The bus’s horn echoed outside, the call for the older Ghoul to leave. He pulled away from the hug and walked over to his bed to pick up his bags before closing the door behind him, locking it and rushing downstairs.

Once his stuff was loaded in the tour bus, Special glanced over Cowbell once more. The hug they shared wasn’t cold nor just a friendship hug. For the feel of it, he believed that the slender Ghoul didn’t want him to leave either. He waved his hand at him with sad eyes before hopping in. He sat on the driver’s seat, his mint green eyes still on the Ghoul as he watched him through the side mirror, the bus leaving him and the church grounds behind and heading to the forest. The forest where they used to play as kits.

 

It was like everybody forgot that he was driving the bus and they were having their own little party on the kitchenette. It was entertaining, like a sitcom that he could only hear and he occasionally giggled to himself. The Third pulled out a large bag of marshmallows and was cheering on Alpha and Omega to see who could fit more inside their mouths. To make things more interesting, they weren’t able to remove their mask mouthpieces. It was nothing like touring with the previous Papas; he had to admit he was having way more fun, he even forgot about how sad he felt for leaving Cowbell behind.

“Hmm, I think they need more marshmallows” Leaf suggested, grabbing a fistful of the soft, sugary treats and trying to shove them at their faces.

“Come on, you both win! Enough!” the Third said, waving his hands. Finally somebody was being responsible… well, not for too long, “Air, Leaf, you’re next”.

“Hey Spesh!” the small Earth Ghoul rushed to him, trying to get him to stop the bus and watch their candy-eating contest, “Come and watch me! I bet I can beat Air!”

“I’ll have to decline the offer. We have to be in the first city as soon as we can, we have rehearsals to do” the older Ghoul rolled his eyes, “Maybe next time”.

He earned a round of booing and raspberries, but he did the right thing. The Third Emeritus came out in his defense, claiming that he had to drive and that they could annoy him during break. The Papa left the group as soon as Air shoved the fiftieth marshmallow in his mouth and was declared winner. He took the shotgun seat, put his sunglasses on and watched the landscape go.

“How do you feel, Ghoul? Ready to be back in the road?” he asked the spokesghoul as he made himself comfortable.

“I feel less pressured than the last time” Special replied as he steered the wheel to pass a ridiculously slow car, “I have to admit, though, you’re doing a good job. Your Ghouls are enjoying themselves without worrying”.

“It’s a matter of knowing what they really want” the Third waved a hand at him, “If they are happy, they are most likely to obey you”.

Special remembered the conversation they had in the band Ghouls’ nursery room. _We can be as bad as him and he can’t say anything about it_ , Leaf said back then, and the older Ghoul began to wonder if the Papa was spoiling them.

“They need a bit of discipline, though” the spokesghoul suggested, “They have never been out in public, there are things they can and can’t do”.

“Don’t worry, I have everything under control” the youngest Emeritus smiled at him, “By the way, did you book our hotels? I would try to sleep the less we can in the bus. This thing is uncomfortable and should be left only for emergencies”.

“That was the first thing I did. Three double suites and one for you, I suppose?”

“Exactly” he leaned closer to the spokesghoul, “Between you and me, I’ve been doing my homework and I’m meeting someone in my suite tonight. If everything goes smoothly, I might get some connections to the high society. We need those on our side for the Ghost project”.

“That’s… actually impressive” Special eyed at him, surprised. He always thought that the youngest Emeritus was more distracted and airheaded than his two older brothers, but that proved him wrong, “Who is it?”

“Ah, ah, I can’t tell anything about it. You are just mere servants” he replied in a sing-song voice and opened his arms, “But if I play my cards right, we’re going places”.

It seemed that the Third had a plan and was confident in it. He took an exit and, after a while, he saw the hotel building. The Third Emeritus was the first to step out, contemplating the sights in delight while the Ghouls unloaded their bags. It was getting late, so most of them were dreaming about a good night’s rest. Before going up to his suite, the Third paired up the Ghouls: Alpha and Omega would have to share their room, Delta and Air were going together and Leaf was stuck with Special. _Poor Omega_ , the older Ghoul thought, _that is going to be so awkward for him_...

“Are we going up?” the small Earth Ghoul eyed him up, his large green eyes staring deeply into Special’s soul.

“S-sure…” he hesitantly replied and helped him carry their stuff upstairs.

The suite was pretty large: white walls with a few landscape paintings hanging from them, adorned with black frames that stood out, as well as two large windows covered with silk white curtains. There was a drinks-cabinet —which they weren’t supposed to touch—, two beds with a ridiculous amount of pillows on them and a door that lead to their bathroom, equipped with a jet tub.

Leaf jumped on the bed closest to the windows and kicked off his shoes before sprawling himself all over it and letting out a deep sigh. Special carefully opened his bag and folded his clothes before placing them in the closet: he had an interview in the morning and he had to look his best. The Earth Ghoul rolled on his side, propped in just one elbow and stared at him, his tail freely waving from one side to another.

“You seem kind of spaced out, Spesh” his tone was playful, almost like if he was teasing him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine, I swear!” Special turned to him, waving his hands dismissively, “It’s just that I’m nervous for tomorrow. I haven’t done an interview for a while”.

“I can smell you’re not like that for just an interview” Leaf raised an eyebrow, “What happened?”

It was then when Cowbell flooded his mind again with the memories of the last hug they shared and how sad he looked when the bus left. Special felt his chest sink with a bunch of unknown feelings: they would be seeing each other in just a few months, it wasn’t that bad. The slender Ghoul will be with his books, that’s what he wanted, right? He had the library all to himself. And Special would have to focus on the tour itself, he didn’t have time to be worrying about feelings like a young teen. Leaf sat up and approached the older Ghoul’s bed, taking a seat on it and patting the space next to it.

“You need to relax” he mentioned while he threw a few pillows to the carpeted floor, “Why don’t you lie down and I give you a back rub? They all say my hands can do magic”.

The thought of allowing such a nosy prick as Leaf near his back and letting him find out about his wings, especially knowing how bad he had been to Cowbell, made Special feel a bit uneasy. He shook his head in dismissal and grabbed a bathrobe and his nightwear.

“I’ll go take a bath, if you don’t mind”.

The tub was filled to the brim with warm water once the last rope on his torso fell on the ground and he could spread out his wings. He felt like he could at least move them better with that new vessel, but he still had his doubts about them actually working. His mint green eyes were on the mirror, examining his own body covered in tiny scars from the resummoning and he felt disgusted for some reason. The thought of Leaf seeing him this way began tormenting him, so he turned to the tub, made himself comfortable and turning on the jets. He managed to fully space out for a few minutes before a thumping sound brought him back from his reverie. Leaf? No, it was coming from the room next to theirs. Special finished his bath and stuck his ear against the wall, trying to figure out what was going on. His eyes widened, hurriedly bound his wings with the ropes back again, covered himself with his nightwear and rushed out of the bathroom.

“Leaf?” he asked, the Earth Ghoul stopped tapping his fingers against the pillows and turned to him, “Come here and listen, but don’t make a sound”.

Both Ghouls were listening now: a faint creaking of the bed could be heard from the room next to theirs, as well as loud growls and moans. Special felt embarrassed and wanted to stop listening, but he was curious about who they were. Those sounds weren’t human at all. Could they be Delta and Air? Unlikely, Delta was too attached to Alpha at this point and Air lost all of his interest in sex. But if not them, they could only be...

“Oh fuck, Spesh…” Leaf whispered, looking up at him, “I think they are Alpha and Omega”.

“What!? Are you sure it’s not Papa?”

Leaf shook his head and went back to listening. The bed headboard was thumping against the wall on a steady pace, and the ruffling of bedsheets could be heard almost muffled by the Quintessence Ghoul’s cries of pleasure that were getting louder as he reached his climax. Alpha’s heavy breathing was pretty audible too, but softer after a thump against the mattress and some more bed creaking. Those walls were so thin they could even hear their conversation. It was an invasion of privacy, but for them, curiosity was better than morals.

In their room, the two Ghouls were lying down on one of the beds covered in a layer of sweat, their chest rising as they heaved, trying their best to regain their strengths. Alpha propped up on an elbow and eyed his bandmate with tired eyes, his fingers tracing down the jawline of his mask to pick up a stray sweat drop.

“That was impressive…” Omega commented, tried to catch his breath, “better than the old times”.

“It wasn’t bad. You got what you wanted, I got laid… everybody wins” the Fire Ghoul replied, removing his fingers from the face as he sat up on the bed, “Friends are for that, aren’t they?”.

“Wait so… are you saying this meant nothing to you?” the rhythm guitarist stared up at him, soon sitting up as well.

“Look, I was horny but they paired up Delta with Air, and you said you wanted to remember old times, so I thought we could fuck. As friends. ‘Fuckbuddies’ if you want to name it”.

“That’s a soft way to say you played with my heart once again”.

“I’m sorry, ‘Mega, but I told you: I don’t feel what I used to feel for you years ago. If you want that kind of attention, it would be the best if you could find someone else to fill the void”.

Omega must have ran away from the room a few minutes later, because the two curious Ghouls could hear a loud door bang coming from the next room. Leaf peeled himself away from the wall and made his way back to the bed while Special stood at the bathroom door in disbelief. Their eyes met, but none of them could say a thing: there was nothing to say either. However, Special began to worry: what if that could happen to him and Cowbell too? What if he really had feelings for him but Cowbell didn’t feel the same? He was starting to become paranoid again.

“Again, Spesh?” Leaf tilted his head and got up from the mattress, approaching him.

“I swear it’s nothing!”

“I don’t buy it” he took his hands and lead him to the bed with the smaller Ghoul.

Leaf set Special’s head on his lap and ran his fingers through the hair creases of his iron mask. The older Ghoul closed his eyes: he truly had magic hands; his thoughts were melting away as he entered a state of full relaxation. He had his guard down, so Leaf thought it was the perfect opportunity to attack.

“What happened?”

Special hesitated, a bit anxious, but he sighed in relief when he felt the Earth Ghoul’s fingertips pressing against his temples.

“Have you ever thought somebody was your friend for a while and one day, you started thinking that it may be more than a friend to you?”

“Oh yes” Leaf replied, his lips curling to a smirk under his mask, “It happens sometimes. You are talking about Cowbell, right?”

“How did you know?”

“You’ve been moody since we left the church grounds. I noticed you staring at him while he helped us load. You’re head over heels for him, hm?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that but…” the older Ghoul looked up at him, “I miss him a lot, Leaf”.

The Earth Ghoul pressed his fingers harder against his temples, then started rubbing his horns until Special felt relaxed again and closed his eyes.

“Don’t you worry” he whispered, “After a few days, it will be like he doesn’t exist anymore”.


	3. The Mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @ghostsxghoul for the brainstorming and @copias-gloves for beta-reading!

The first few Rituals of the tour were a complete success: the Third Emeritus had the crowd in the palm of his hand and was loved and cherished among the fans. He was what the Ghost project truly needed, a charismatic, younger leader that worked harder than his predecessors. Special watched every Ritual from the backstage, watched the new Papa charm his audience and getting rewarded by their swoons and delightful screaming. 

The older Ghoul was proud of his hard work while planning the whole thing and making sure everything was going smoothly. However, there were some unforgettable moments that made the whole gaggle of Ghouls consider burying themselves in a hole six feet under ground, like that one time they played an acoustic session and the Third pulled out a kazoo. It was then when Special thanked the Dark Lord he wasn’t an actual band Ghoul, but felt sorry for both Alpha and Omega who were probably dying of embarrassment.

Speaking of the Devil, the two most popular Ghouls settled their things down and overcame their little crisis, or at least it seemed like it. They interacted onstage and the fans were going crazy for them, screaming ‘ _ Stomp me, Omega _ ’ and similar innuendos while they gave their best, but after curtain call, neither of them spoke to each other and demanded countless times to be paired up with someone else for the hotel rooms. The Third finally gave in and put Delta with Alpha and Omega with Air, hoping that will stop the complaining. 

 

The first thing Special did once he stepped into his shared hotel room with Leaf was to take off his shoes and lie down on the bed. He hadn’t stopped working since the tour started, so he didn’t really have time to think about Cowbell and what he really felt for him. But a perfectly timed question from Leaf brought the slender Ghoul back to his mind.

“Hey Spesh… remember that deep conversation we had a few days ago?” he asked. He was lying down on his bed, on his stomach and his hands under his chin, “You know, after we heard Alpha and Omega going at it”.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about” Special turned to him in confusion.

“You know, about your feelings for Cowbell. Have you sorted it out already?”

Honestly speaking, Special didn’t think much about it. He had been too busy to care, did that mean it was just temporary? A random thought, perhaps? He didn’t know what to reply. Of course, he cherished his friendship with Cowbell but he still didn’t know if he saw him as more than a friend. While the spokesghoul sulked, Leaf had abandoned his bed and moved to his roommate’s. 

“I… I still don’t know. I’m pretty sure he just sees me as a friend and…” Special hesitated, “If I’m being honest, I would hate it if the situation with Alpha and Omega happened to us”.

“Better safe than sorry, then” the Earth Ghoul’s piercing green eyes were on the spokesghoul’s, “Forget about those until you’re both sure”.

Special dropped his shoulders. From that last hug they shared, he sensed that Cowbell may have felt something else for him but maybe it was just wrong signals. Leaf brought a hand to Special’s face and began stroking his iron cheek affectionately. The spokesghoul closed his eyes and leaned against the touch: there was that feeling again, that feeling when he’s been touch-starved for just too long. In that moment, though, a mixture of emotions was pooling down in his gut. It was like he wanted Leaf to continue but, at the same time, he wanted to be honest with Cowbell.

“Stop”.

Leaf ceased his affection and retrieved his hand back, staring at the spokesghoul with confusion, “Is something the matter?”

“I need to make a phone call, I’m so sorry, Leaf…”

The spokesghoul barged out of their bedroom to the hall. He needed a phone. Maybe he could find one at the reception? He rushed his way downstairs, feeling that his heart was about to burst at any moment and picked up the old-fashioned phone. His hands were shaking as he marked the number of the church and told the Sibling of Sin on the other end that he was the Special Ghoul and he wanted to talk to Cowbell.

The time zone difference was quite large and Cowbell had already gone to bed. However, when he heard that Special was calling, he forgot about the good night’s sleep and sat up on his bed, brushing the slumber off his eyes with a smile on his lips as he adjusted the receiver up to his ear.

“Good evening, Spesh” his voice was raspy, it was obvious he had been sleeping, “Is everything alright?”

Tears rolled down Special’s face as soon as he heard Cowbell’s voice, choking back a sob. The slender Ghoul kept trying to get him to speak by calling his name, but the spokesghoul needed time to realize how much he’s missed him. It took a while before he finally spoke.

“Hi Bell…” he smiled under his mask, twisting the phone cord around his claws, “Yes, everything’s okay, it’s just…”

It was now or never.

“...I miss you”.

The slender Ghoul could be heard yawning from the other side and Special thought the worst. Was he boring? He probably was, he just woke up his best friend to tell him that he missed him: how stupid he was! Cowbell was probably about to hang up by now, he was pretty sure that…

“I miss you too” the slender Ghoul replied, “It’s been so lonely here, with nobody to talk to. I mean, I could chat up Mist but she’s a bit… aggressive. She weirds me out”.

Special’s eyes widened. If he missed him too, did that mean that the feeling was mutual? 

“Bell, listen” he interrupted him, “I couldn’t get you off my mind since we left the church and I just have to ask you… What do you feel about me? Be honest, please”.

“About you…?” Cowbell took a deep breath, “If I’m being honest, I like you, Special. I just love how good you are with your job, those cute hand movements when you talk, your laugh… It’s a large list”.

The spokesghoul could feel his face burn. He truly wasn’t expecting that response from him: it was the first time he saw him open his heart up like that.

“Well, I…” he hesitated, “I called you because I feel the same. I was confused for a few days because something happened and…”

“Spesh, if you’re going to move your hands, put the phone down or hold it with your shoulder” Cowbell let out a sinister chuckle. As time went by, it became one of his signature traits, “Now for real, there’s no need to tell me: I just  _ knew _ ”.

That last word was said in a particular tone that sent a chill down Special’s spine. He wasn’t crying anymore, but he was flushed red. 

“How did you know?” 

“Well, I have my methods” Cowbell explained, lowering his voice so nobody will catch him on the phone so late.

As he heard him talk, Special became more and more flustered. What did his voice have that made him lose his cool like that? Raspy, almost in a growl, whispery so he wouldn’t get caught… and only him to hear it. He could feel himself getting hard, his cock pressing tightly against his pants and waiting to be released from its confinement. The spokesghoul eyed around —he was alone in the reception hall— and sat down on the stool next to the phone. He began rocking his hips to grind against the red leather seat, his lips parting to let out soft whimpers as he heard Cowbell’s mesmerizing voice at the other end of the phone. He tried his best not to get caught during his little moment, but he couldn’t help it: he craved for release, but he was becoming paranoid by moments. He had to stop himself on time.

“Bell…?” he finally said, his voice breaking, almost dreamy, “It’s late, we should go to bed”.

“Right, am I rambling too much?”

“No, no! it’s just” Special gulped down his saliva, “You have church duties to do and I need some rest. I’m sorry to keep you up”.

“I’m glad to be kept up if I’m talking to you, Spesh” Cowbell purred and lied down on his bed, “Good night, kitten”.

“Good night, Bell. I lov…” the communication was cut before he could even finish the sentence.

He called him ‘kitten’; Special didn’t think he would love that pet name so much. He hung up and went back up to his bedroom. When he opened the door, he saw that the lights were out: Leaf was tucked in bed with the sheets up to his nose and buried in the middle of the pillow collection. The spokesghoul headed to the bathroom to stretch out his wings and he remembered why he went back up to his room in the first place. Cowbell’s voice still resonated in his head and his cock was still hard and aching for attention. Special turned on the tap to fill the tub with warm water, stroking himself gently as he waited. 

Once it was full, he sat down in the warm water and turned on the jets, arching his spine and tilting his head back as he remembered the phone conversation.  _ I like you, Special. I just love how good you are with your job, those cute hand movements when you talk, your laugh _ … He pressed the sides of his mouthpiece and removed it, setting it on the floor next to the bathtub and resumed jerking himself off, rolling his hips so the jets would add extra pleasure to his moment. His lips parted once more and moaned Cowbell’s name as he played the conversation back in his mind.  _ Good night, kitten _ . The spokesghoul’s breath came out shuddery as he reached his climax, his wings spreading out fully and forming a halo on his back. It was quick, but more than enough.

Leaf was resting on his back, still under the bed covers but fully awake. He didn’t even fall asleep to begin with and he preferred to eavesdrop on what Special was doing. When he heard him panting, he considered having a little fun himself until he heard him moan Cowbell’s name out loud.  _ So, the cryptid had feelings for him? _ , Leaf frowned,  _ Well, too bad you’re back in church and I have him all for myself _ .

When Special came back to his bed, naked and wrapped in a towel, he saw that Leaf was awake and backed away quickly. He had already tied his wings, but it was too late: the thoughts of the Earth Ghoul seeing the ropes were flooding his mind and he shut himself in the bathroom, silently praying to the Dark Lord and wishing it was all his imagination trying to sabotage him. Leaf got up and approached the bathroom door, knocking it twice.

“Everything alright, Spesh?” he asked, “You seem  _ agitated _ ”.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine!” Special yelled, hands clutching at his arms, “Please, don’t come in. I’m naked”.

“There’s nothing wrong in being naked, I have to see everyone’s dicks daily”.

“Not mine” the spokesghoul huffed and tried to sound as confident as he could, “I’m your superior and I demand respect”.

“You know I have no goddamn respect for anyone in this Church, but if that’s what you want…  _ Everything for you _ ”.

Special huffed and looked around for his nightwear, but he remembered he left it on his bed. He would have to sleep with his cassock on, or wait until the Earth Ghoul fell asleep to change. But there was something that still bugged him and he had to clear his mind about it.

“Did I wake you up?”

_ Of course you did _ , Leaf thought, _ I heard you _ .

“No, and I haven’t seen anything either, don’t worry”.

_ Too bad I missed it, I would have loved to witness the moment you’re so ashamed of, Spesh _ .

The spokesghoul walked out of the bathroom fully dressed up and sat on his bed, pensive. He shouldn’t overthink that, he saw nothing and his reply seemed honest. But since when had Leaf been honest? Never, except when he manifested his disgust towards Cowbell and his kind. The Earth Ghoul crawled over Special’s bed and leaned his head on his shoulder, as if asking for affection from the older one.

“I was awake because I have lots of nightmares” Leaf’s tone seemed to become a bit more solemn, even sad, “Can I sleep with you tonight?”.

That was an unusual question. Special was still sensitive about his conversation with Cowbell, but he wasn’t that desperate for touch. He didn’t want anyone near his body right now. He stood up and shook his head, turning the door knob.

“Go sleep with Papa”.

The Earth Ghoul watched him exit the bedroom in disbelief, but he didn’t go after him. Special headed towards the room Omega and Air shared and knocked on the door, hoping they were awake. The tallest Ghoul peeked at the outside, his sea green eyes staring at him with his usual menacing aura. The spokesghoul noticed he was wearing one of those old-fashioned flannel pajamas and tried to keep his cool and not to laugh.

“Air, can we switch bedrooms for today? Leaf is having trouble and I don’t want to deal with him right now”.

Air shrugged and stepped aside to let him in. Their room was pretty organized, unlike his own: the Earth Ghoul’s corner was full of dirty clothes, discarded blankets and a bunch of towels dumped on the carpeted floor. Special looked around for Omega but it seemed that the Quintessence Ghoul was gone. He wasn’t in the bathroom either.  _ Fantastic _ , the spokesghoul thought,  _ he’s always missing when I need him _ . 

“He’s not here” the deep, haunting voice of Air startled him. He never got used to hearing him speak at all, “He’s with Papa”.

“Wait, what?” Special tilted his head in confusion, “Nightmares?”

“No. Just lonely” Air mumbled before walking out, leaving the spokesghoul completely alone in their room.

He didn’t know if Omega would spend the whole night with the Third, but he was starting to feel tired. He rummaged the two band Ghouls’ bags looking for some decent nightwear, ending up with one of Air’s shirts and a pair of sweatpants from Omega. Since the tallest Ghoul would be giving Leaf some company, Special decided to steal his bed: it had a faint smell that reminded him of the scent in the air before a heavy storm, but the spokesghoul didn’t find it bothering. He pulled the duvet up to his nose and dozed off for about ten minutes until the Quintessence Ghoul returned to the room and got startled by the new presence.

“Spesh! Where is Air?”

“Oh, you’re back?” Special rubbed his eyes and sat up, “Leaf was acting strange, so I asked Air to switch rooms. Why were you at Papa’s?”

“I was telling him the whole situation with Alpha. He’s been so understanding with me…” Omega explained, scratching the back of his head, “I think I’m ready to forget about him”.

“Well, I’m glad for you” the spokesghoul smiled, but he was too tired to listen to his personal drama, “You look tired, let’s get some sleep, alright? We have a lot to do tomorrow”.

The Quintessence Ghoul wanted to keep talking, but he understood: Special had his own headaches and it seemed that Leaf was driving him mad. A few minutes later, Air showed back in the room and rolled the spokesghoul out of his bed. Special yawned and looked up at him with confusion.

“Leaf wants you there” the tallest Ghoul announced, his body was slightly slouched and showed signs of being at the verge of exhaustion, “I tried”.

“Well, sorry to disturb you both” Special sighed and got up, “It’s my responsibility, after all”.

The older Ghoul picked up his discarded cassock and dragged his feet back to his bedroom. Room hopping was a bad idea, after all; he shouldn’t have avoided his duties. He had to share his with Leaf, even if he didn’t seem to care about his personal space.  _ Maybe it’s because he’s a band Ghoul, and band Ghouls have no concept of privacy at all _ , he told himself,  _ It must be that _ . Leaf was still sitting on Special’s bed when he walked into their bedroom, a tired expression on his iron face. He didn’t say a word, he just crawled back to his bed and curled up under the sheets, facing away from him.

“Look, Leaf… I’m sorry. My feelings are in a rollercoaster right now and…” the spokesghoul tried to explain, emphasizing his words with his hands as he used to do until the Earth Ghoul looked over his shoulder to him.

“I just wanted a hug, is it too much to ask for, Spesh…?”

No, it wasn’t. He shook his head and lied down next to the Earth Ghoul, his hand rubbing the drummer’s arm as an attempt to soothe him. Leaf’s hand wrapped around Special’s wrist and pulled his arm over him, holding it close to his chest. The spokesghoul sighed and let him be: a bit of innocent spooning won’t hurt, plus, his heart belonged to Cowbell now. He clung to that thought until he finally fell asleep. He was exhausted and he didn’t feel like dealing with any of the Earth Ghoul’s shenanigans. 

 

Tour days had come to an end and the band was back to the abbey. Special left the bus on its spot and the first one he spotted when he stepped out of it was Cowbell, standing there in his usual stance of hands behind his back, slightly tilted head a hunched back. The spokesghoul couldn’t hold back: he dropped the bags on the floor and quickly ran towards the slender Ghoul, wrapping his arms around him, holding him as tight as possible against his chest. He missed him dearly, so much that he could feel tears welling up in his eyes.

Cowbell nuzzled his head before backing up a bit to rub their noses together affectionately. His clawed fingers brushed away some of the tears that were already rolling down Special’s iron mask. They both knew they always had the phone calls, but it wasn’t the same. It was far from the same. The slender Ghoul buried his face in the shorter one’s shoulder and inhaled deeply, but he was surprised to find another scent in it. Something that smelled of wet grass: the scent of an Earth Ghoul.

Sister Imperator approached the group and gestured at Special to come with her: she may need the reports and some other administration tasks that only he could do. The spokesghoul pulled away from him, stood on his toes to nuzzle their noses again and marched to pick up his bags and follow the woman to her office. Cowbell stood there in disappointment: he could only spend a few minutes with his friend before that witch stole him away. He had been waiting for months for this moment and it was gone. He should keep himself distracted and go say something to his band.

Leaf didn’t take his eyes off the slender Ghoul when he saw him greeting the Third Emeritus and approaching them to help them with their bags. He had a smile on his lips, hidden by the mask, as he approached his non-elemental bandmate to take the bags from him. Cowbell never trusted the little stink bug: he had always been kind of cruel with him, maybe because of his lack of element, or maybe for other reasons. Reasons that involved being Special’s best friend.

“Did you get bored in there?” Leaf asked him, a little sing-song tone in his voice.

“Did you grow up while on tour?” Cowbell asked dryly, turning his back on the small Earth Ghoul to carry the baggage inside the abbey and come back for more.

He wanted to ignore the scent, he had to: he thought that Special had feelings for him, he noticed when he phoned: why was Leaf’s scent all over him? Cowbell glanced over his shoulder and saw the shorter ghoul carrying some equipment with Air.  _ Don’t stir shit up _ , the slender Ghoul told himself,  _ it may be a confusion _ . He waved a hand to dismiss Air, letting him know that he would get in charge of helping Leaf carry the equipment to the storage. Once they set it down, though, he stopped the Earth Ghoul when he was about to walk away.

“Hey, pipsqueak” Cowbell called him, “Care to tell me why did Special smell of you?”

“Oh, so you noticed?” Leaf approached him, doing his signature head tilt. The distance between the two was minimal, “Well, Spesh and I have become very good friends. He was feeling a little lonely because you didn’t come with us and I guess I filled the void”.

All of the worst-case scenarios flooded Cowbell’s mind: did Special forget about him? Was Leaf more interesting than him? He had to ask him in person. But the Earth Ghoul didn’t finish speaking. He grabbed a chair and took a seat on it, crossing his legs like a spoiled little prince while he stabbed the slender Ghoul with his green gaze.

“You know? I heard your  _ friend  _ jerking off in the bathroom of our shared hotel room one night. I wonder who was he thinking about, the perv. It could be you, or maybe me. Take a guess, freak”.

Leaf got up to his feet and skipped out of the storage. Cowbell moved some pieces of equipment and opened a small trap door that lead to one of his secret tunnels connecting to the library. If he was in his element, he would forget about it. But he didn’t. Leaf’s annoying voice played like a broken record in his head.  _ Special knows the feelings I have for him, right? _ , he spoke to himself, his purple eyes looking from one side to another as he slowly entered a state of panic,  _ He wouldn’t go behind my back with Leaf, or would he? _ He started to pace back and forth in the library, consumed with so many questions as well as an uncontrollable desire to punch the little prick’s dumb face in. _ Come on, Bell, get a grip… _ He brushed the temples of his mask with his fingers, trying to remain calm as he thought of a way that could get Leaf to back off. As soon as he came up with an idea, he walked out of the library, marched off to Special’s office and banged on the door until he was given permission to enter.

Special had gone back to his usual busy bee self. The chat with Imperator was short, but the Third Emeritus got so much work done while on tour that the spokesghoul felt like he had to catch up on the project reports. He was typing on his computer as fast as he could, eyes scanning the screen and making pauses now and then to take notes on a piece of paper he had on his desk. He peeled his gaze away from the screen for a moment to glance over his friend, who was looming over his desk in anticipation.

“Hello, Bell! I’m sorry for leaving so soon before but I have a lot of things to do… would you mind sitting and waiting until I’m done?” Special gestured towards the couch in his office.

_ Until he’s done? He would be done on Doomsday _ , Cowbell cursed to himself, but he took the seat, twiddling his thumbs and tapping his foot impatiently. After a few dreadingly long seconds, he got up on his feet and wandered to Special’s side. His hands grazed up the spokesghoul’s arms to his shoulders and back down, earning a shoulder roll from him as if he wanted to brush him off. But Cowbell didn’t have time for a  _ Wait for just a bit, I’m working _ . Work could wait, he had to eradicate Leaf’s mark from him.

Special didn’t mind the touch, Cowbell must have missed him and he wanted to spend as much time as he could together, but soon he realized there was something odd about his behavior. The slender Ghoul was way more affectionate than usual and he was burying his face against his neck to inhale his scent, his hands resting again on the spokesghoul’s shoulders before leaning in to whisper in his ear.

“You are so tense…” his hands moved across his chest and down his stomach as he spoke in an eerie sing-song, “I could help you  _ relieve _ that.  _ I have very good hands _ ”.

“Bell, I have no time for a massage” Special’s voice sounded tired, even defeated, but he didn’t push him away. He missed his touch so much that he didn’t really want to.

“Well, it shall not take longer than five minutes of your precious time” Cowbell’s nails grazed the sensitive skin on the spokesghoul’s neck. He leaned in once more, “Make sure to enjoy it before you go back to your  _ beloved  _ work”.

Special groaned and allowed him to press his fingers against his shoulders, but he would continue working on the meantime. That report wasn’t going to write itself, after all. The slender Ghoul’s hands soon stopped focusing on the shoulders to travel down to the spokesghoul’s chest, lingering on it for a bit before trailing down to his crotch. Special felt even more tense as the slender Ghoul pressed his hand against his cock, carefully kneading it, and he unconsciously spread his legs to give him more room.

_ What are we doing!? _ , he thought to himself,  _ We’re just friends, and I have a lot of work to do _ . Special sat up and reached for his keyboard to see if he could write some more, but Cowbell wrapped his hands around Special’s wrists and pulled them away, clicking his tongue in disapproval.

“Your work can wait” he whispered, nuzzling his nose behind Special’s ear affectionately, “Just close your eyes and listen to my voice”. 

It was easy to say, but extremely difficult to do. The spokesghoul was practically melting under his touch, as if he had waiting a moment like that for years, but the pressure of work didn’t allow him to enjoy himself. It just felt so good… Cowbell’s fingers ran over Special’s growing bulge, tracing the outline of his cock over his pants.

“My, my, Spesh… it looks like someone wants to come out and play” he tilted his head to the side, looming over his back to make eye contact with him, his fingers working on the button on his pants, “May I?”

Special nodded and tried to reach for his keyboard, but the slender Ghoul grabbed his wrist with his free hand and brought it to his mask, nuzzling it where his mouth would be. This was the most intimate contact they’ve ever had and they still weren’t sure about their feelings for each other. But the spokesghoul wanted it, even if he knew that his brain will sabotage him and remind him of the amount of work he had. 

_ Good boy _ , whispered Cowbell as he popped open the button and pulled his pants down just enough for the spokesghoul’s cock to spring out. The slender Ghoul was very impressed, as he didn’t expect him to crave for his touch that much. He licked his lips under his mask, just wishing he could suck and lick him instead, just like a popsicle on a hot summer day. He brought a hand close enough to his mouth so he could spit into it and gently grabbed his cock, lubing it up with saliva as he stroke him up and down.

 

 

He felt Special gasp and tilt his head back with his eyes firmly shut, his claws digging in the arms of his desk chair. For the spokesghoul, that kind of pleasure in the hands of someone else was still rare to him and he felt a little too sensitive, slowly becoming a whimpering mess. He even made another poor attempt to get back to his work, but he had to use that hand to cover his mouth so nobody could hear him from the hallways. Seeing Special like that was a huge boost for Cowbell’s ego. While he milked the spokesghoul’s cock at a steady pace, his other hand trailed down to massage his balls.

“Do you like that, kitten?” the slender Ghoul purred, “Am I making you feel good?”

“Yes, but… I should… I must…” resistance was futile. It was like Cowbell’s hands were magical, waking in him new sensations he had never felt before, when he pleasured himself all alone. The task of trying not to uncontrollably moan of pleasure was getting difficult, and the one of taking care of the report was already impossible. He was indeed enjoying himself, even though not as much as he would have loved to if he didn’t have pending work. 

“Say my name, say you belong to me” Cowbell demanded in a dominant, low tone. He increased his speed, noticing on Special’s subtle movements and sounds how close to climax he was. He would kill just to hear more of his sweet moans.

“Bell, I’m…” the spokesghoul mumbled, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible, “I’m yours, Bell… I missed you…”

Cowbell growled in response: all of those sweet whimpers and sounds were turning him on, but he would deal with that later.  _ You’re mine, you’re all mine _ , he whispered as he jerked Special as fast as he could. The spokesghoul seemed to forget about his duties for a moment before coming all over Cowbell’s hand and his own cassock, panting and staring up at him with flushed cheeks as he tried to catch his breath. The slender Ghoul brought him the box of tissues and helped him clean himself up, a proud smile on his lips under his mask. He inhaled Special again and let out a sinister laugh: he had eradicated Leaf’s scent completely.

“Bell, wait” the spokesghoul sat up on his chair, pulled up his pants and tossed the used tissues to the trash can, “I really meant it: I missed you badly”.

“I did too” Cowbell took a seat on the desk, his hand reaching for Special’s cheek and caressing it lovingly, “Listen, I… I‘m sorry. I thought you got intimate with Leaf and I got jealous”.

“With Leaf? I spent the entire tour avoiding him as much as possible” the spokesghoul confessed, “I know he has a crush on me, but my heart belongs to somebody else”.

Special got up from his seat and walked around his desk to stand before Cowbell, his arms wrapping around his torso.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you for months, but I wasn’t sure if you felt the same” he continued, “After what we just did… well, I can confirm that the feeling is mutual, isn’t it?”

“It is, kitten”.

“Then…” he squeezed the slender Ghoul tighter, “My heart is yours, if you want it”.

Cowbell leaned his head against the spokesghoul’s, softly purring. He cherished those precious minutes his Special spent away from his duties more than anything in the world, even more than his books.

“I do”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the art belongs to me and is made especially for this fanfic. Reposting is forbidden.


	4. The Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this fic, but the series aren't finished >:B

The Ghoul Dining Hall was full of the hungry creatures of hell eager for a warm meal to enjoy before tending back to their duties. Omega was gravitating around the salad buffet: the Siblings of Sin in the nursery pictured him as a true hero and a good example for the kits, so they would eat their vegetables without protesting. While filling up his plate, he noticed that Special was next in line, so he smiled at him and made a gesture for him to join. The spokesghoul looked in a better mood than when he last saw him during the tour, and he also sported a sticker on the breast of his cassock with the name  _ Phil _ on it.

“What’s with the sticker, Spesh?” the Quintessence Ghoul giggled, “Did you get a name change?”

“Good morning to you too, Omega” Special rolled his eyes and walked past him to the pasta buffet, “And no, I had to wear this for an interview and I forgot to take it off. I’m a bit scatterbrained lately”.

“What happened?”

The older Ghoul poured a ridiculous amount of spaghetti on his plate and drenched it with sauce, to the point that the pasta wasn’t even visible anymore, then walked over to one of the long tables and removed the mouthpiece on his mask. He didn’t know if Omega was emotionally prepared to handle the explanation, regarding his baggage involving Alpha…

“Well, something happened between me and Bell” Special began telling him as he toyed with his meal, “When I went back to my office to resume my work, he…”

“He did what?” the Quintessence Ghoul took the spot next to him and leaned towards him in anticipation.

“He, uh…” the spokesghoul lowered his voice, “He gave me a handjob. It was… odd, you know? I’ve never seen him behave like that, like, on impulses. And then when I confessed my feelings for him, all he did was reply with short answers”.

Omega listened carefully as he devoured his meal, also a bit confused by his bandmate’s behavior. Cowbell was this one Ghoul nobody was able to read, his behavior was always unpredictable and erratic and he also had to admit that he creeped him out —he once caught him turning his head around like an owl without batting an eye—.

“Spesh, I think it’s time you admit that you fell for a cryptid”

“I openly admit that I fell for a cryptid” the spokesghoul replied and rolled his eyes, then glanced to his sides in case anybody heard over their conversation. He noticed that nobody dared to sit around them. Church Ghouls usually stayed away from the band Ghouls, maybe because of their higher rank, and Special noticed that he also received this kind of treatment, in fact, even colder.

It was then when something clicked. His position. Special still held the highest rank in the Church Ghoul hierarchy and he shouldn’t waste his time with childish little games of ‘loves me, loves me not’, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but treasure their shared moment in his office. However, he wouldn’t want to think about what would happen if they got caught. The spokesghoul suddenly felt guilty of getting intimate with Cowbell: it wasn’t right. He had a job to do and all he did lately was daydreaming about the slender Ghoul like a teenager. It would be better to change the topic and go back to his spaghetti, which was probably cold by then.

“So… Alpha and I have been talking. Actually… It was after the last night in the hotel room, during our ride home” Omega broke the silence, “it turns out that he lied to me when he remembered what we had”.

“Hm?” Special lifted his head, staring at his friend with his mouth full of pasta.

“Yes! He had feelings for me but he also felt like Delta needed him more and they became attached to each other” the larger Ghoul explained, “Then, romantic feelings got involved and, well, you know the rest. But hey, we’re good now”.

Special curled his lips to a grin and wrapped his arms around the larger Ghoul, hugging him tightly. He was happy for his friend, but he still had his doubts about how would their relationship work. Yes, Omega was a giant and cheerful teddy bear, but he wasn’t the pinnacle of emotional stability either and the spokesghoul was glad that the general public didn’t knew that side of him.

“Do you still have feelings for him?” Special asked.

“Honestly, I feel like I’m starting to fall for Papa. He has been a huge comfort and I’m clearly his favourite, so...” Omega shrugged, “I don’t know, I’ll see how it goes”.

They kept chatting until the Church Ghouls finished their meals and left their trays on the cleaning carts, leaving them alone in the dining hall. Special was so deep into the conversation that he didn’t notice that Imperator had barged into the room, and she didn’t seem happy. Omega’s eyes widened and stopped talking, and this was the signal for the spokesghoul to turn around. The woman frowned and dismissed the rhythm guitarist with her hand before crossing her arms.

“Papa Nihil and his youngest have been waiting for you for thirty minutes, Ghoul” she said in an unsettlingly calm tone, “Put your mask back on and come with me. Right now”.

Special nodded and got up from his seat, lowering his head. That was what he got for being irresponsible, for wasting his time with social life. Imperator was giving him a talking about avoiding his duties as they walked towards the offices.  _ You have always been so efficient, Firstborn, but lately you’ve been distracted. In the Ministry we don’t tolerate failure, if you keep going like that, we will have to terminate your services and send you back to Hell _ .

When Imperator opened the door and both Papas turned at the Ghoul with a frown, he couldn’t hold himself back. He was trying his hardest not to cry the whole time when Imperator scolded him in more detail until he couldn’t stop himself, tears rolling down his cheeks as he kneeled in front of the three higher-ups as a pitiful apology. _ I’m sorry, I’m so sorry _ , he repeated, his voice breaking as he tried to find the words. It was about time he was hit with a wave of self-hatred. Why would he waste his time worrying about the band Ghouls’ drama? Why did he allow himself to get involved emotionally with one of them? Nihil barely responded when the Sister kept on talking. He would never interrupt her or tell her she was wrong, and he wasn’t going to start now even if it was his Ghoul who was being victimized. Seeing Special like that was heartbreaking, but he knew that his interference would be worse for everyone. However, his youngest didn’t see eye to eye with him.

“Cut that shit out!” the Third stood between her and the Ghoul, gritting his teeth, “I’m sure Special needed that break!”

“He was distracting one of your Ghouls, Papa, the one you call Omega” she had her arms crossed and shook his head, “They both have duties and so do you, so…”

“With all due respect,  _ Sister _ , they are my Ghouls and you don’t need to teach me how to raise them” the young Papa held his hand out to Special to hold and get back to his feet, “This meeting is over, because I’m the leader of the Ghost project, the leader of the Church and I said so!”.

Sister Imperator was about to object when she felt Nihil’s wrinkled hand on her shoulder to stop her. There was no use, his youngest was known to always get what he wanted, and he had to learn how to be responsible for the consequences. The Third brought Special to one of the bathrooms and leaned against one of the walls while the spokesghoul freshened himself up by splashing cold water against his mask.

“Thank you for defending me out there, Papa” he turned to him, drying his hands on his cassock.

“There’s no trouble, you deserve a break now and then” 

“Yes but… Imperator is right” Special lowered his head in shame, “I got involved with your Ghouls’ drama and I forgot about my duties only because I spent thirty minutes extra in the dining hall”.

“Sounds like you were just on a lunch break to me” the Third wrapped an arm around Special’s shoulders and lead him outside, “Wait, did you mention there is drama among my Ghouls?”

They walked side by side towards the band wing while Special explained the whole situation. The Third only heard about Omega and Alpha’s situation, completely unaware that Delta was in the middle too; then it came Leaf and his shenanigans and finally his whole drama with Cowbell. The Papa stopped in front of the door leading to the band wing and stared down at Special, his hand reaching up to his hair and began to stroke it gently. Nobody deserves what he’s been going through, and the frontman felt bad for knowing all of this when it was too late. He thought he should ask the spokesghoul what he wanted to do for the next tour, regarding his issues with the other band members, and try to make his life a little bit easier. He wasn’t his older brother, he didn’t want to overwork his Ghouls.

“Spesh, do you want us to take Cowbell next time?”

“I don’t know… last time, Leaf was acting weird and I missed Bell dearly, and if he comes with us, I’ll be able to keep Leaf at bay and I won’t miss Bell anymore… but he could distract me from my work”

The Third lowered his hand to rub his thumb over Special’s cheek affectionately, making the Ghoul lean his head against him and purr. 

“Look: I am your boss while on tour and, as your boss, I think you deserve a break now and then. You work so hard, and if Cowbell’s presence makes you happy, then I’ll take him with us. Maybe we could take Mist too, hmm?”

“Thank you, Papa. I’m glad to see that there’s at least one of you worried for his Ghouls”.

The rec room was as noisy as ever, but Mist and Cowbell were nowhere to be seen.  _ They are probably holed up in their rooms _ , Special thought, and he gestured at the Third to tell him he would go and fetch them. Mist didn’t have a room of her own, so his first instinct was to check Delta’s. The bedroom was tidy, with baby blue walls, silk curtains and a few posters. The Water Ghuleh was sitting on the bed with her bass, which tossed aside as soon as the spokesghoul walked in. Special had never talked to her, in fact, she barely was in the rec room with the rest of the band, and he didn’t know how to properly approach her.

“Get out” Mist’s blue eyes stabbed the spokesghoul like needles, “I won’t do it”.

“What are you talking about?” Special tilted his head.

“You are Nihil’s lap dog, I know why you are here and no, I won’t go with you” she got up on her feet and pushed the older Ghoul out of the room.

“Wait, wait! I genuinely don’t know what are you talking about! Papa Emeritus the Third just wants to gather you all to discuss our next tour!”

Mist stopped and pulled away from him, returning to the bed to pick up her shoes. Something about her seemed off and Special wanted to ask about it, but she probably wouldn’t relay her problems to a Ghoul she did not really trust. Plus, Ghulehs were ferocious and dangerous when angry, and the spokesghoul didn’t want a premature death if he happened to piss her off. The Water Ghuleh fixed her cassock and walked past him to exit, but before she passed the door threshold, she stopped.

“I’m sorry for what happened before. I just…” she paused, her gaze away from him, “Don’t trust the higher-ups. Not Papa, he’s fine, but… You know.”

She must have been talking about Nihil and Imperator. She had spent most of the time under the head Sister’s wing, and there was something she did to the Ghuleh that she didn’t find appropriate. Before Mist went downstairs, he stopped her.

“I don’t trust Imperator either” he confessed.

Mist bowed her head in acknowledgement and made her way to the main room. It was time to look for Cowbell. He didn’t have a room of his own, so the clergy accomodated an old storage room for him. Special knocked and pushed the door to allow himself in. The storage room was dark, but the spokesghoul spotted his friend lying down naked on the bed. Was he asleep? He took a few steps closer and tilted his head at the slender Ghoul’s odd sleeping position: on his side, both his arms on his back —one wrapping over his side and the other lying flat on the mattress— and his legs bent in a painful-looking way. However, Cowbell seemed to snooze peacefully and comfortably.

Special brushed his shoulder with his knuckles at first, but when he saw that the slender Ghoul had no intention of waking up, he shook him a bit. Cowbell turned his head around like an owl to face him and grinned under his mask.

“Hello, _ Phil _ ” he greeted him with an eerie sing-song. Special tilted his head in confusion when he was called like that. Right, he forgot again to remove his sticker. The spokesghoul peeled it off from his cassock and crumpled it, tossing it on the floor.

“You should dress up, we have a meeting with Papa”

“And don’t you prefer to lie down here with me?” Cowbell turned around, his long fingers reaching up to Special’s face to gently stroke his cheek.

Of course he wanted to lie down and cuddle, to get lost in his arms, but his duties were more important right now. Imperator’s scolding still played in his mind like a broken record and he wouldn’t tolerate another one: he had to be responsible. The slender Ghoul knew that he would gladly join him: they obviously had feelings for each other, but Special’s rank and job occupied the first position in his preference list. It was a shame. Cowbell got up from the bed and fetched his discarded cassock, which he left on a chair, lazily putting it on and taking his time to look half decent. Special’s eyes couldn’t look away from him: his movements were slow, gracious but slightly eccentric, like a ragdoll; his body contorted in ways he thought they were impossible for human-like creatures.

“Enjoying the views?” Cowbell asked him when he finished tying up his shoelaces.

“No! Well, yes” Special shook his head, “Come on, they are waiting for us”.

“Screw them. I’m not going to hurry up just to hear the Third talk business”.

“Bell,  _ please _ ” the spokesghoul emphasized the last word, “I don’t want to get fired, can you make my job easier for me?”

The slender Ghoul stopped in his tracks and shook his head. He turned to Special and he could see that, inside his purple eyes, there was a hint of anger.

“I don’t care about your fucking job”.

The spokesghoul stood there dumbfounded and speechless as he watched his friend walk downstairs. He didn’t know how to feel: was he angry at him now? It was true that Cowbell was almost impossible to read as time went by, but he preferred not to worry about it. Special joined the rest of the band, ignoring all of his thoughts and letting the Third Emeritus start the meeting.

“So, we’re going to start our next tour soon and I would like to introduce a few changes” the Papa announced, “First, both Mist and Cowbell will come with us, so this brings me to rearrange the rooms”.

Leaf froze on the spot and curled his hands into fists. He absolutely despised Cowbell and his close friendship with the spokesghoul and he would hate to see that freak near his business. Special could see he was starting to get angry, but he preferred not to intervene and let the Papa explain further.

“Alpha and Omega would go together again because I prefer Delta going with Mist. Air and Leaf would go together and Special would go with Cowbell”.

“Excuse me, what!?” the Earth Ghoul snapped and took a step forward towards the Third, his green eyes filled with rage as he pointed at the non-elemental, “I can understand Mist coming because she’s our backup bassist but why  _ him _ !?”

“Maybe because I could be a backup drummer if you decide to shrink and you can’t reach the pedals” Cowbell replied dryly. Being woken up for a meeting that he didn’t want to attend and hearing Leaf insult him to his face was building up anger in him. He had always been calm about any insult directed at him, they were just empty threats but, after he smelled Leaf’s scent on Special, he tolerated him even less.

“Guys, stop” the spokesghoul lifted his palms. Seeing that the Third stood there doing absolutely nothing, he felt the need to intervene before the two Ghouls decided to kill each other. “Let Papa finish”.

“Let him finish!?” Leaf snapped, now facing the Third “What for? To fuck us up even more!? I don’t want this rotten Ghoul near me, you hear!?”

“Leaf, don’t speak to me like that” the frontman crossed his arms over the chest and shook his head. He hated conflict, but he hated rebellious little pricks even more. “Cowbell, Mist and even Special are as important as you guys and if I say that they will come with us on tour, they will”.

The floor beneath Leaf began to tremble as he built up more rage, and the rest of the band Ghouls knew that if he threw out a tantrum, the whole church would be victim of an earthquake. Air pushed through his mates and wrapped his arms around the smaller Ghoul, scooping him up and dragging him away as he kicked and spewed up obscenities at their leader. Omega sided with the Third and stood between the two of them, defiant.

“Don’t you ever say such things about the man who raised you ever again!” he spat out, feeling the wrath in Leaf’s eyes on him.

“Fuck you!” the Earth Ghoul struggled to free himself from Air’s hold, “Fuck you! Fuck the Third and fuck this non-elemental cunt!”

Special’s chest tightened as he felt the panic in his throat. If he didn’t do anything, Leaf would jump and try to kill Omega, or the frontman himself. He knew that the smaller Ghoul wouldn’t listen to Air, or to anyone else. It was all on him.

“Leaf, stop it! I thought you were better than this!” the spokesghoul stepped between him and Omega and grabbed the drummer’s ankles, “Relax, for the love of Satan! You’ll get in trouble!”

The Earth Ghoul glared at him and both Special and Air could feel the tiles rattle again. His claws were sharp and digging into the tallest Ghoul’s hands, hoping the pain would let him break free. A few seconds later, the small earthquake stopped and Leaf relaxed his body in defeat. Air put the drummer back on the floor, clutched his own hands, which were bleeding from the clawing, and watched the drummer leave the recreation room. The Third let out a deep sigh and took a seat on the couch, bringing his hands to the head.

“What’s gotten into him…?”

Special would love to tell him what was going on, but the frontman was the one who educated them. He didn’t want to be like his older brothers and he raised a bunch of spoiled Ghouls with rebellious tendencies. The spokesghoul would have sworn that Papa had no idea about what was going on among them too, all of their internal conflicts, their struggles and battles, their relationships. Leaf was jealous of Cowbell because he was the one Special chose, Mist had a serious problem and she refused to speak about it; Alpha, Omega and Delta had their own issues and Air had to put up with Leaf’s shenanigans. 

“You are their Papa” Special finally spoke, turning his back on them all and about to leave them behind, “you should know”.

 

The walls in the cloister had the warm, orange tint of the afternoon sun and the soft breeze rattled the leaves of the hedges in the little garden. The spokesghoul wandered around the abbey looking for Leaf, hoping he could talk some sense into him. He found the drummer sitting down under one of the arches, eyes on the fountain as he absent-mindedly stacked up pebbles. Special took a seat in front of him and gave him a worried look.

“Care to explain me what that was about?”

“Do not patronize me, Spesh” Leaf blurted out, picking up one of the pebbles and tossing it into the fountain, “I don’t want Cowbell to come with us, that’s all. Why is it so hard to understand?”

“What did Cowbell ever do to you?” the spokesghoul asked. He genuinely had no idea that the slender Ghoul would be capable of hurting someone. “Is it because he’s non-elemental?”

“I don’t fucking care if he has an element or not” Leaf tossed another pebble into the fountain before staring back at Special, “What did he do to me, you say? He stole you from me!”

Special was left speechless for a few seconds before he remembered the hotel nights during the first tour: how desperate for body contact the Earth Ghoul was, how tenderly he treated the older one… _ So, Leaf had a crush on me? _ , the spokesghoul asked himself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because. And there’s no use, I’ve known that Cowbell has had feelings for you since we were all kits” Leaf huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, “He enthusiastically told Omega that he had the best friend in the whole world and that he could read with you. And I was jealous of him”.

“If you had asked me, I would have hung out with you” the spokesghoul tilted his head.

“It’s no use, Spesh! You two are made for each other! You two know how to read and write, you’re both non-elemental… I can’t even write my own name! I still remember a Brother of Sin who wanted to teach me laughing at me because I wrote ‘Leef’ and ‘Erf’. It’s frustrating!”

“I still think that you should have told me, Leaf. It’s too late now.”

 

The Earth Ghoul stood up and walked away, bothered and worn out. There was no way the spokesghoul would have given him an opportunity after all the bad things he said about his kin, about Cowbell, and how little he respected everybody’s personal space. Special sat there with his eyes closed until the sun hid behind the mountains in the horizon and the town’s lights began to show up. He let out a deep sigh as he soon found himself dozing off, tucked in by the cold wind and lulled by the distant caw of the crows.

“Hello, Phil”

Special jumped and rubbed his eyes to see Cowbell sitting on one of the cloister columns, gently stroking the feathers of a crow perched on his shoulder. He liked crows.

“You really need to stop doing that” the spokesghoul stood up and patted the dust off his cassock, “How long have you been there?”

“Who knows, maybe a few minutes, maybe an hour”.

There he was with those cryptic replies again, and it was the last thing Special needed. He remembered Cowbell’s dry reply in his room, and how hostile he had been with Leaf before in the recreation room, and he felt the urge to talk to him about it. The slender Ghoul sent his feathered friend away and jumped down, brushed the dust off his pants and sitting down on one of the benches near the fountain. The older Ghoul approached him and took the seat next to him.  _ How should I bring up the topic? _ , he asked himself.

“Bell, listen…” he hesitated. It was too late, he was already talking, “I’m… worried about you”.

“Why? My health is perfect, I don’t need a vet”.

“I’m not talking about your health! I’m asking why have you been so bold with me since I came back!”

Cowbell tilted his head in confusion, as if he didn’t know what his friend was talking about. Special huffed and tried to explain it further.

“It all started when I came back from the tour… After we hugged by the tour bus, you started acting strange: the handjob in my office, the bold reply you gave me when I came earlier to wake you up…” the spokesghoul gestured his hand as he listed down all the things from the list, “Not to say, you’ve got a liking to spooking me out. What is that for, Bell!?”

The slender Ghoul sighed in defeat, trying to process everything he said.

“Well… I have my ways to show up unannounced and it’s not important. As for the rest… well, there was a bit of jealousy in the handjob because I smelled Leaf on you but there is a greater reason behind all of this...” he paused, as if he didn’t want to tell him the truth. For the sake of their relationship, he had to. “I hate your fucking job so much, Spesh. I’ve been waiting for you for too long and, now that you’re back, you barely spend time with me anymore”.

He continued his explanations and Special felt the urge to cry. Cowbell was right: he had repressed his feelings to prioritize the church work over their relationship and he felt awful because of it. Then, Imperator’s discourse played in his mind again: _ In the Ministry we don’t tolerate failure, if you keep going like that, we will have to terminate your services and send you back to Hell _ .

“Bell, I don’t expect you to understand but… My job is the only reason I am in Earth. Imperator said…”

“Fuck what that old hag said” Cowbell spewed out, “Fuck this church and fuck your job. You have to let yourself go every now and then, Phil, or you will end up burning out. Pet an animal, take a twelve hour nap, set something on fire… or let’s think of something to do together, if you want”.

His long, thin fingers brushed the spokesghoul’s iron cheek, “I’ve never realized I was truly alone until you left on tour. It was a hole that I couldn’t fill with books. Please, just… you said your heart belongs to me now. Prove it”.

Special couldn’t hold back anymore and lowered his head, tears falling down to his cassock. He would try his hardest to balance both his free time and work, even if it would be a nightmare. The pressure received from the higher-ups was way too much for his shoulders, but Cowbell was the most important being in his life. He choked back a sob and wrapped his arms around the slender Ghoul’s shoulders, letting him pat his back to soothe him down.

“I love you, Bell… And I’m sorry”.

“There’s no need to torment yourself, kitten. I love you too”.

**Author's Note:**

> All the art belongs to me and is made especially for this fanfic. Reposting is forbidden.


End file.
